You might think that this award is utterly meaningless and just another example of those tedious me-me-memes that recur like herpes outbreaks, but you'd be wrong.
This award is special because it gives me something to toss off quickly (quiet at the back) with minimum effort, thereby leaving the rest of the weekend free for other pursuits.
Right, according to the terms and conditions attached to this award I now have to tell you ten things I do each day.
Yes, I know, it does sound like it will be a riveting read, doesn't it? But don't worry, I shall try not to go for the obvious. (1. Get up 2. Go to the toilet 3. Eat food. 4. Blog 5. Wank 6. Shower 7. Have a drink 8. Watch telly 9. Read book 10. Sleep.) I shall endeavour to make this an enjoyable experience for the both of us.
Ten Things I Do Every Day:
- Annoy somebody. It could be an amusing blog post about what a twat someone is, or throwing peanuts at someone while they are watching their favourite film or eating all the ice cream. It could be flagging up injustices at work, it could be drawing a comedy moustache on someones favourite picture or refusing to get off the spacehopper, despite the health and safety concerns raised by those who think it's a stupid idea when carrying hot soup. Whatever the situation you can be sure someone, somewhere, is getting annoyed.
- Ignore the phone. I hardly ever answer a ringing phone and never call anyone unless I am on fire or something. This often leads to point 1, above.
- Cyberstalk various friends and acquaintances. This isn't sinister, it's just being interested.
- Write something utterly hilarious and award winning.
- Fail to keep my "no alcohol for me tonight" pledge.
- Discover that I can't just have one biscuit after all.
- Find a food item in my cleavage.
- Stay up much later than intended.
- Oil my sensual, naked body and take photos of myself to send to my favourite readers.
- Vow to start anew.
So, there you go. If I were the type to stick to the rules I would now bestow 10 people with the "You Are a Great Read" award and they would post their own 10 things they do every day. But I am not the type, nor am I particularly interested in a post about what anyone else does each day as I doubt it will be as good as mine. So I'm not going to (see point 1 above.)